She spread kindness to everyone

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Susan McGrath, who died on September 19, made a difference to many people’s lives in Rye, Kent and Sussex. Husband Chris has been sharing some snippets from her eventful life.

Susan was born in Southampton on September 25 1948, just in time for the NHS. The small family lived for a short period with her grandparents, then moved to Eastbourne, living firstly in requisitioned rooms behind the Grand Hotel, then in a council flat in Langney.

She was an avid reader and did well at her junior school, where she was the only girl to go on the high school. There, again, she excelled and the staff were preparing her for Oxbridge. But Susan had a contrary streak and chose instead Eastbourne Art School at the age of 16, spending all her spare time at the Devonshire Park Theatre, her other love. She preferred to be backstage, particularly designing lighting effects, rising to ASM, but occasionally appeared in minor roles on stage.

Every summer she would travel to Stratford-on-Avon, sitting on the floor of the theatre for performances of Hamlet, etc. and hanging around the stage door after the show. She met the acting greats; Judi Dench encouraged her to make a career in the theatre and David Warner bought her drinks at the ‘Dirty Duck’ (Black Swan pub) opposite.

She was offered an internship with the Royal Shakespeare Company but fate intervened, when in 1966 she met Chris, a student at Canterbury School of Architecture.

Two years later, when Chris graduated, they married and moved to Dublin, for Chris’s job with Wates. Susan soon got fed up with doing nothing and got jobs, firstly with a women’s magazine and then as a dental nurse.

Their daughter Ro was born in 1969, and Becket in 1971.

Susan joined a women’s liberation group in Dublin and helped organise a stunt with Mary Kenny and others, catching a train to Belfast, purchasing condoms, (illegal in the Republic), and scattering them from the train window!

By this time Susan’s mum had terminal MND and there was a bank strike in Ireland, so the family moved back to Sussex, living on an organic farm at Hankham, while Chris worked for the Eastbourne borough architect. In 1977 the family moved to a thatched cottage in Udimore, where 2 years later, the couple’s third child, Euan, was born and where they stayed for 36 eventful years, fully entering into village life. Susan decided that her teachers were correct, so she obtained English A level and applied to Sussex University, as a mature 23 year old, for a place studying her favourite subjects, English and history. She was fortunate that her interview was with Asa Briggs, at that time vice-chancellor. After graduating with a BA, she went on to gain a masters in women’s literature. The next step was to become a lecturer at Sussex teaching women’s studies.

Susan followed university with a wide variety of jobs in education and research. Projects included working on the Rye Rural Development Area, Replan, Wider Opportunities for Women and teaching English literature to WEA groups, and at Hastings College, where she set up and led the careers advice office. She also prepared needs analysis reports for dozens of schools and colleges throughout Sussex and Kent and helped run adult education in East Sussex and the new city of Brighton and Hove. She also wrote a report on women in the local fishing industry!

She then trained as a counsellor and helped many, including local men made redundant, bereaved relatives at St Michael’s Hospice and farmers at risk of self harm.

By 2011, it was obvious she had problems with her eyesight and she had to give up driving. To her disappointment she had to refuse an offer to help troubled teenagers at Thomas Peacocke School, because she couldn’t take notes.

But in 2012 she and Chris were fortunate to be accepted as diggers on the Neolithic Ness of Brodgar excavation in Orkney, where her condition limited her completing paperwork, but not the trowelling she loved so much.

After two years of fruitless investigation at the Conquest Hospital ophthalmology department, she was finally diagnosed with PCA, posterior cortical atrophy, a rare dementia which gradually destroys eyesight and the ability to navigate through spaces, because the brain can’t process information from the eyes.

Being Susan, she soon signed up for several research projects at the Dementia Research Centre, part of UCL, at Queen Square, London, where the professors and doctors took over as her medical consultants. Research included large illuminated spinning wheels, walking through a maze whilst being filmed, and having multiple MRI scans and a lumbar puncture. Susan never complained about these intrusive procedures. During this period Susan also enjoyed horse riding for the disabled, singing with the Music Well choir and sailing with Sailability.

She and Chris were one of the first couples to sign up to the Time for Dementia programme organised by the Brighton and Sussex School of Medicine and continued this for ten years. The scheme matches pairs of student doctors with families experiencing dementia. For Susan it was a win / win situation – she had intelligent young people to talk to in her home, and the students learned something of what living with dementia was like for families.

Susan’s condition gradually worsened over the twelve years of PCA, accelerating this year until she had to have a hospital bed installed at home to make it easier for carers from Bluebird to nurse her. Her GP, paramedics and nurses all did their jobs with patience and empathy until the final two weeks of rapid deterioration ended with her death on the September 19 with Chris at her side, six days before her 76th birthday.

Susan was a remarkable person who spread kindness to everyone she met.

Image Credits: Chris McGrath .

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13 COMMENTS

  1. Susan not only was kind she was also driven, passionate, informed, intelligent and entertaining. She supported Ro, Beckett, Euan and anyone in her tribe with determination and resilience. I have fond memories of great parties at Udimore, of buying damsons from her garden to make jam, of discussing a book we were both reading and arguing its merits., of her encouraging me to park in tight spots. So many fond memories of a wonderful woman. Condolences to the McGrath family, to her friends and former colleagues. Rest easy now Susan.

  2. Susan’s life was remarkable in a number of ways. Positive life experience for many of us is dependent on people like her – others who care about the good of the world and make effort to contribute towards it. Sue’s selfless example in the way she lived her life is matched by Chris as a devoted husband caring for his wife in her most cruel illness. There is no greater thing than to be as these two were as husband and wife – joined for life to strengthen each other in all labour and rest on each other in all sorrow.

  3. A beautifully written tribute to an amazing woman, Chris. Susan clearly lived a full life, enjoying her talents and strengths; hopefully in time to come these memories will bring comfort to you and your family. You must be very proud.

  4. I so agree with all of the comments. When, at singing, someone picked up my car keys as well as her own, I was stuck. Chris and Susan immediately offered for me to go to their home to sort out what to do. Susan even offered me a bed for the night if needed, this was only a few years ago.

    My sincere condolences to Chris who was a wonderful husband.

  5. My condolences to all the family.

    Sue was an amazing lady and I really enjoyed knowing her in so many groups over many years.

    Her determination to make the best of things and help others were inspirational.

    Sue will be missed – but does leave many delightful memories.

  6. What a beautiful tribute and description of a rich and precious life well lived. My memories of Susan are also set in the creative pursuits of Rye: singing at the Music Well or attending a theatre performance. My condolences to Chris and the family

  7. Susan what a marvellous woman. She got me through my Englisg GCSE at the age of 30.
    I then met up with her many years later when she helped out at ARRCC in Rye. She took constructive writing. My husband had a brain hemorrhage and she helped him express himself in writing. As he was dyslexic he had never been able to write stories or poems and he went on to contribute stories about his childhood in Scotland and some poems about his time since the hemorrhage. Sue was so kind and help and had away with people with all types of learning difficulties. We will both miss her so much.

  8. I would like to thank you for those lovely comments and memories.
    Also thanks to everyone over the years and months who have helped to make our lives bearable.
    Especially to all the consultants, doctors, paramedics, nurses and carers; and several charities who work tirelessly to make life for people with dementia easier.
    As a final act of giving, Susan has donated her brain to UCL for Dementia Research.

  9. Hello Chris, For some unexplainable reason I felt compelled to look up your names. How sad to read about your sad news about Sue. Memories came back to me of when we lived in Ersham Rd and you lived in the vivid pink cottage at Hankham.The peacocks calling on a Sunday morning. From your roof we could hear them across the marshes.Adrian and Ro, Becket and Marion pilling in the car to go to a Christmas play at Sussex Uni. We had lots of fun . Thanks to Sue for those fun times. Love from Australia!!

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